Table of Contents
I spent a very long time designing a cool, interesting and unique way of presenting all of the stories and there's only way to see it: buy a copy!
Dedication/Inspiration/EjaculationWhere I thank those who have helped inspire me to make the new issue. Some are friends, some are fans, some are just people who I feel indebted to. I also tell people the names of a few books, magazines and CDs that are well worth checking out because they motivated me to do something better than I thought I was capable of doing.
Your Questions AnsweredThe answers to the trivia questions from NC1, the winners of that contest and even a list of people that almost won. I also thank a few people for their contributions and interest right over a picture of a big schlong. This is the "my big cock" issue of Negative Capability, and it shows.
Eat Me!A little self-deprecation and I finally turn my razor wit and vicious insight on myself. If you think I'm mean to you, imagine how cruel I am to myself, This is the Negative Capability Food Section and includes: healthy recipes for soup, scones and something my wife and I invented, S'muffins! There's also a discussion of my piss poor eating habits, my lovely childhood, tips for staying in shape and even a restaurant review of my favorite Chinese place in NYC.
How To Name Everything (a public service)Most people can't name anything and they definitely need my help. Each issue of my zine will have a public service. This is the meanest thing in the whole zine, even harsher than NC1's "How to Cope with Assholes," and even though a bunch of pantywaist lame-o losers are whining that it's just "too mean" I mean every goddamn word of it. Before you name your business, your zine or your children, please consult this article, listen and learn.
The Profaci GameA long piece on television shows including pictures of Gillian Anderson in a bra and David Duchovny in drag! This is very long and includes discussions of the X-Files, the Simpsons, Dennis Miller, Homicide: Life on the Street and of course, Law & Order, which features my hero, Tony Profaci. In a way, though, this piece is about how I admire people who just do what they're supposed to do and never complain, never make a scene and never try to showboat. Even though I'm not the slightest bit humble, on the outside, inside I constantly question if anything I do is any good. One of my favorite pieces.
The Flicker of the Idiot BoxWeird and obscure video reviews of stuff I bought from TV, online or in a store. I also talk about how I feel about taping shows, advertising (and the whores who take it in the ass from anyone for money) and why Jerry Springer is a fucking jerkoff. This section includes ordering info, where I found the tape, retail prices, URLs if they have them as well as the funniest damn writing in any reviews section. Tapes reviewed include: Just Kidding, Too Much Joy's Dante's Disco Inferno, Cops - Too Hot for TV! & Jerry Springer's Too Hot!, Winnie the Pooh, Mondo Violence, an accounting tape, a nature tape, William Wegman's dog videos, Impact Video Magazine, Howard Stern's Butt Bongo Fiesta, Aardman Animations and more!
How You Know They're 100% WrongFirst in a long series of pictures with commentary making fun of wacky Christians and other assholes who are dead fucking wrong.
TCBIt's where I take care of business, just like Elvis. This includes ad rates, distribution information as well as info about other stuff I've worked on recently. This is finally online. Click here to check it out..
There is also a very cruel anti-milk ad parody on the back cover featuring the assholes from NYPD Blue with a mouthful of each other's spunk.
Lastly, there are lots of cool pictures, weird and interesting background illustrations and of course, some nifty fucking design. Isn't that just getting you moist right now? Sorry. Sometimes I go too far.