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Losing the Erection (Contest Answers)
Even though at the very beginning of crafting my quiz “Keeping It Hard For An Hour” I had serious doubts as to whether my readers would be up to the task, you’ve come through with flying colors! Almost every question received at least one correct answer from one of you. Even the hardest questions were solved with grace and aplomb. In fact, the most shocking thing about the results of this quiz is that Howard Miller (or as he prefers, H.D.) was the first person to enter the earliest version of this contest, about a week after I’d posted on my web site, and he ended up coming in second place while Andrew Schaad, the very last entry, ended up winning the big prize. If you want to see more about the winners along with pictures of their prizes, please click here.
After I got Howard’s entry,I was both delighted and upset with Howard; delighted because he knew so much of the same trivial crap that I do, and upset because Howard, while a genius, is not a great speller. After some discussion, I realized that bad spelling doesn’t necessarily mean low intelligence, especially since Howard’s getting a Ph.D. at Yale in Medieval Spanish Islam (I think). He also does a great zine called Travelling Shoes that I enjoy very much, and I’m going to let him plug that on the Wall of Bravery, coming after the answers. I want you to get a sense of the accomplishment of these people, and see a few of their awesome answers, because once their names are in your head, you’ll read their plug and support their endeavors as they have supported mine.
You’ll see that not only did Andrew and Howard know most of the answers, in some cases, they knew even more information than I did. On my site there will be an extended version of this which will include extra information and a few of the best wrong answers. What follows will be the bare minimum answer (what I was looking for), and the best answer, which will almost always be Andrew or Howard. I bow to their amazing abilities and salute them wholeheartedly. So, without further introduction, let’s get it on.
To get the full point, you only needed to say “interesting feature” or even “Swedish maps.” I got the answer from my Mac Secrets book. Howard “Bad Spelr” Miller is our authority. Get used to it. He said, “It’s called a St. Hannes Cross, a pre-Christian Viking decorative motif. It’s used by Scandinavian countries to mark points of historical interest on maps and along roads. One of the early Apple developers was Swedish and thought it’d be a cool idea to use the symbol.
In the Apple development literature it’s referred to as meaning ‘interesting feature.’” I realize that Howard’s answer is quite impressive, but Andrew is the winner, and here’s the ill reason why, “What ‘the guys at Mac’ saw was a woman’s doing. As per her, ‘in one book I saw a symbol like this described as a Swedish campground sign meaning “interesting feature”—seemed appropriate.’—Susan Kare, graphic designer to the geeks, in her e-mail to me 3/22/99.” Now that’s just sick, right? He wrote to someone at Apple, the woman who did it, and got her to explain it? I mean, come on!
For my pals who watch too much TV (and cartoons).
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1) What does this symbol from the command key (on the Apple keyboard) mean? What I mean is, the guys [sic] at Apple saw that symbol and decided to use it on the keyboard, but where did they get it from? |
2) Who was the voice of Butt-head’s dad in Beavis & Butt-head Do America?
The answer is David Letterman. When Mike Judge first appeared on Letterman’s program, he brought a short clip with Butt-head as a gap-toothed Dave and Beavis as his creepy bald bandleader. In this bit, Butt-head tapped his pencil on the desk, before accidentally launching it into Beavis’s eye. Dave seemed to be so delighted that soon after, he found himself doing his impression of B&B on the show quite often. Dave and Mike seemed to hit it off, and Dave was asked to be the voice of Butt-head’s dad, though he didn’t get credit (or much money, presumably). The movie also features celeb couple Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, along with a few other mystery voices which a discerning ear could probably pick up.
3) Why can’t the Frinkiac-7 be used for dating purposes?
I think almost everyone else got this right, which I thought was kinda cool. I would have accepted as little as, “The matches would be too perfect,” or “It would eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest.” Everyone did a variation on that theme, but it was only our winner, Andrew, who added the thing that made it the most special. Prof. Frink has a habit of adding odd noises to the ends of his sentences, and his phonetic interpretation was, “Blah-urg-way,” which was just wonderful.
4) What is Space Ghost’s real name?
A few people wondered if I meant who was the voice of Space Ghost, but I was not. I bring this up because if there's a question on a future quiz, e-mail me and I'll be happy to clarify. I'll also try, in the future, to be as specific as possible so there's no misunderstanding what I mean. I assume it's spelled Tad Ghostal, though I don't think it's ever been printed during the show. (This information is now confirmed on the IMDB)
5) What brand of cigarettes does Cancer Man smoke?
It’s usually shown in close-up on the X-Files, but the brand is made up. The only answer I would have accepted is Morleys, and most people got it right.
6) According to David Duchovny, what religion is Fox Mulder by birth?
I would have accepted anything with “Jew” in it, even “dirty fucking money-grubbing, media-controlling, Christ-killing Jew.” In a number of interviews he’s said that, “Until I hear differently, I’m going to play him as a Jew.” H.D. Miller, ever the exacting scholar, notes that, “However, when X-Files writer Howard Gordon, a Jew himself, was asked if Mulder was Jewish, he replied, ‘No, In fact, I think we’ve pretty well established that he’s not, vis-a-vis his father’s funeral [at which a minister officiated]... I don’t think Mulder is Jewish or even half-Jewish.’”
7) What old Fox TV show featured three funny fat white girls? Originally, this question was posed without the words “old” and “white” but because some people kept guessing Living Single, I decided to modify it so that there was only one right answer. The best wrong answer came from Andrew, our winner, who said, “Heavy Petting,” and then hours later withdrew that answer and submitted the correct answer which is Wendie Jo Sperber’s charming show, Babes.
8) According to a Discovery Channel special, what is “The Meanest Animal in the World”?
The only correct answer is “the honey badger” though I think I did accept just “badger” because it’s close enough for me. The reason I chose this as a question was because when Juli and I watched the show, we were amazed. We love to watch nature specials, but this one is a doozy. The reason it’s called a mean animal is that it typically wreaks terrible havoc on its victims. On the show, the badger goes after a beehive where there is a lot of honey. The hive is in a dead tree trunk, and the badger smashes it open and starts scarfing down the honey. The bees all swarm and sting the honey badger, but he doesn’t care. He just shovels at the tree, and destroys everything, and kills all the bees, just to get his meal. But what if he’s just hungry and really likes honey? What’s a “honey badger” supposed to eat, for fuck’s sake? Ever since we saw the show, Juli and I often playfully imitate the honey badger, by pretending the other one is the tree and we poke and prod and tickle and say, “Gimme the honey! Damn you, bees! Stop stinging me, you little freaks! Gimme all your honey!”
For those of you who pay attention to details:
9) In the TV show of the same name, what office does the Prisoner run for?
I wondered how people would guess at this, since I figured that few people had ever seen this excellent TV show. The episode that I was talking about is called “Free For All” and the Prisoner runs for the office of Number Two. Since everyone has a number (the Prisoner is Number Six), and Number One is a mystery until the last episode, the man in charge of the Village is Number Two. I’m still stuck there. Be seeing you.
10) What is James Kirk’s middle name?
Tiberius, though Lurky says it’s “Lurky.”
Movies & Cinema & Film
11) What one interesting and unusual thing do Elvis Presley and Linda Hamilton have in common (besides making movies, you simpleton)?
I would have accepted anything along the lines of “twins” since they both had identical twins. Elvis’s twin, Jesse Garon, was stillborn, Linda’s twin sister is a nurse and appeared briefly in Terminator 2 in a dream sequence as Sarah Connor. Linda is standing by a fence in a possible future, in the dream, that is, watching herself play with her son on a hobby horse before a nuclear blast kills everything. She’s essentially watching herself, but they had her sister play it since it was possible and because her sister wasn’t totally buff, like Linda was at the time. Random winner Ben Anderson suggested that “They both like to give away Cadillacs and eat peanut-butter & banana sandwiches.” Since I couldn’t independently disprove his case, and because it’s fucking funny, he earned 1/2 a point for his attempt. This got me to wondering about Linda, but I’m going to keep my mouth shut because she could probably kick my ass. Sorry, Linda. I was just kidding. Loved you in that show with that lion dude. Kicked ass.
12) What is Spike Lee’s real name? Shorty. I mean, Shelton Jackson Lee.
13) There is one Coen brothers movie, besides the Hudsucker Proxy, that featured someone who worked at Hudsucker Industries. What I want to know is, which character worked for Hudsucker and which movie was it?
It was Raising Arizona and both Hi and M. Emmet Walsh’s character worked at Hudsucker Industries, so I accepted either answer.
14) What is Albert Brooks’ real name and who is his famous brother?
His real name is Albert Einstein (now you know why he changed it, right?) and his brother is Super Dave Osborne, who is not funny.
15) What is director Spike Jonze’s real name?
Adam Spiegel, as Howard described him, “scion of the mail-order catalog family.” He is also the director of the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage,” Bjork’s “It’s Oh So Quiet,” and the man attached to the aborted film attempt at one of my favorite children’s books, Harold and the Purple Crayon. He also directs and stars in one of the best videos ever made, Fatboy Slim’s “Praise You.” In case you were wondering, that freaky dude who is the group’s dance leader, is Mr. Jonze in the flesh. He’s also the director of Being John Malkovich and made his acting debut in the recent film Three Kings which I’ll see on video, I’m sure.
16) Using only two people, what is the connection between the band Radiohead and the film Blade Runner?
Radiohead’s excellent video for the song, “Fake Plastic Trees,” was directed by a young man named Jake Scott. His father is Ridley Scott, director of Blade Runner. I’ve even taken the liberty of reviewing both Radiohead videos, Seven Television Commercials and the recent documentary concert film Meeting People is Easy in “The Flicker of the Idiot Box 2: Reusing the Graphic,” which is on pg. 42 of the print edition.
17) What film director said, “I don’t know how much a movie should entertain. I’m always interested in movies that scar...”?
David Fincher, director of Alien3. It was that movie that gives this zine its name, so I thought it only fair to help plug the man. He’s also done the Game, Se7en and of course, Fight Club. He is currently working on a film about the Zodiac Killer, which I am looking forward to.
18) What is the exact password that Matthew Broderick uses to get into the supercomputer in the movie WarGames?
A lot more people than I expected figured out my own connection to this silly question. The answer is Joshua! Damn, I thought that was SO obvious! It was named after the computer’s designer’s dead son. It always creeps me out when a Josh dies in a movie. There’s this great bit in the movie Talk Radio where this dumb college kid calls into the show and the host is quite abusive. He says, “The third world? Is that something you read about in college? Well, Josh, go back to college and call me when you get a clue!” and hangs up on him. I swear it wasn’t me. I don’t care a whit about the Second World, much less the Third World.
19) In what movie was the line, “College is like high school with ashtrays”?
She’s Having A Baby, which is a pretty good movie, the first time around. Alec Baldwin is creepy and charming, Kevin Bacon seems like a grown-up, the office politics are great, the music and soundtrack are awesome, and John Hughes used to make decent films. Oh, well. I think the reason I chose this question was because when I was on a game show (see, “More Savant Than Idiot,” in Negative Capability #1) this was the super-hard bonus question. Because I actually remembered it (I don’t know why some lines stick with me, they just do), and it helped me to victory that day, I wanted to give something back.
The Really Hard Ones
20) Who is the only character in Tekken 2 that you can play as in the exact same outfit as your opponent when playing against the computer?
Kazuya Mishima. The only way to do it is the push Select when choosing the character, then you get him in his homosexual purple suit. Then, when you get to the last round, you’ll fight Kazuya in the same outfit. It’s like the ultimate gay catfight under the spotlight! I play a lot of Tekken, by the way.
21) What comedian plans to write a book called Autobiography Of A Dick?
To whoever said Howard Stern, you were actually close. He wanted to call his first book, “Penis” so that the New York Times would have to print, “Howard Stern’s ‘Penis’ is #1.” But his editor insisted he change the name to “Private Parts” which is also pretty good. I gave Emersøn 1/2 a point for saying “Bill Maher,” though Bill’s book would be, “Autobiography of an Ugly, Doughy, Arrogant, Balding Jerkoff with a Small Dick.” I was delighted that two people got it right, because that meant it wasn’t too hard. For John Sellers, it was easy, because the quote appeared in an interview done with the magazine where John used to work, Time Out New York. Anyway, if I had put the appropriate period in, it would’ve been too obvious (as in Autobiography of A. Dick). A. Dick is Andy Dick.
22) What were Blur called originally? Howard said that they were called, “Seymour, which refers to the J.D. Salinger character Seymour Glass.” Couldn’t’ve said it better myself. But I also wanted to share with you some cool band names I’ve seen recently that are parodies of other things and always amuse me. They include: Leonardo Decapitation, John Cougar Concentration Camp, REO Speedealer, Brian Jonestown Massacre and Molly Ringworm
23) What author has described his own face as “a bag of genitals”?
Thanks to those of you who took this opportunity to MOCK ME, YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES. Just kidding, punkin! No one got this right. The answer is Will Self, a sick, brilliant author. He used to be a journalist but I believe he was fired to shooting up heroin in the bathroom on a plane while on a press junket. At work. On junk. In an airplane. Or as the British spell it, “aeroplane.” The English are a bunch of self-important, pasty, whiny dicks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
24) What is the name of Titanic’s sister ship, and where is the ship today (not too specific)?
All I needed was “Britannic and underwater.” Howard also notes that the ship was originally called the Gigantic, which they couldn’t keep because my penis sued them for trademark infringement.
25) What is the square root of -1?
You’re right if you said that it doesn’t exist. The answer is that only an imaginary number, multiplied by itself, can produce a negative number. See, two negatives, when multiplied by each other, make a positive number, as do two positive numbers. So, since there’s no real number, we use a symbol for “imaginary number,” which is a lowercase letter “i.” I even think it looks better when in italics, but do what you feel, kiddo.
26) Ed Zotti is the real name of what nationally syndicated columnist?
(NOTE: Originally, I fucked this up, or rather, my source did. The book I read said it was Ed Zulli, but I checked my original Straight Dope books and discovered that there was a mistake in my source material. I apologize for the mistake, but it doesn’t matter because no one got it right). No, not Ann Landers or her ugly sister Abby. Those marble-mouthed Jewish twits are supposed to be WOMEN. Ed’s a man’s name, yo. Another question deemed too hard for the unwashed masses or even you fine people. Not a single person guessed this correctly, which means I’m smarter than all of you and always will be so you might as kill yourself now. Can’t you tell that I’m kidding? Well I’m not. According to the book Big Secrets, my favorite syndicated columnist (besides the wonderful Dan Savage) Cecil Adams is a penname for Ed Zotti. If you’re not familiar with the name, maybe you know his column, the Straight Dope, which answers really hard questions. I chose to use this question because it’s quite ironical that this is yet another question that’s so hard only Cecil Adams would know the answer, and Cecil Adams is not even his real name. It’s odd because Cecil Adams doesn’t sound like a pen-name. Ed Zotti has been mentioned as an assistant to Mr. Adams, but now you know the truth, okay? A few years ago there was a TV show based on the column on A&E and it was really, really cool. I loved it. I taped every single episode before it was cancelled, thank the good lord. If you check the official story, it is that Cecil Adams is a real person, that no one has ever seen or spoken to. He has never been photographed or given an interview. It all sounds very suspicious to moi.
27) Who was Matt Groening trying to draw when he came up with Akbar and Jeff from Life in Hell?
According to a few interviews, he used to draw the characters from Peanuts quite often. He couldn’t get the nose right, but he always gets the electric shirt thing. They’re supposed to be Charlie Brown. The cool thing is that they also look like Milhouse on the Simpsons and from time to time you’ll see a little Akbar, Jeff or Bongo (the characters in Life in Hell) on the Simpsons as dolls or something.
We’re the Jews that run everything and own your ass.:
28) What NY Jew helped create PaRappa the Rapper for the Sony PlayStation?
Again, I will just defer to the brilliant H.D. who said, “Rodney Alan Greenblatt (BTW, also the writer and artist of a great children’s book, Thunderbunny).” See why he won?
29) What NY Jew played Krusty the Klown’s father on the Simpsons?
Most everyone knew it was Jackie Mason.
30) What NY Jew was the first person to have the number one morning radio show in New York and Los Angeles at the same time?
This was really the only appropriate place where you should’ve said Howard Stern.
31) What NY Jew publishes Screw?
It’s chubby, disgusting, cigar-smoking, divorced fatso Al Goldstein. Once you see him, you realize why it’s right that he have to pay for sex. Eww. He’s also the host of a wonderful public access show in New York City called Midnight Blue, that you should watch if you’re even in NYC and can get Channel J. By the way, the “J” stands for Jerkoff.
32) What NY Jew had the most popular comedy on television during the 97-98 season?
Jerry Seinfeld, duh.
33) What NY Jew are you going to leave all your money to because his zine is so fucking awesome and by signing here you hereby declare that your possessions shall become his irrevocably upon the occasion of your death?
The answer to this question is actually Paul Lukas of Beer Frame. Everyone who said me got minus ten points for insulting me with the label of “greedy Jew.” How dare you! Oh, I’m just breaking your balls. It was me. Thanks for your stuff, too. I don’t know if it will hold up in court, but that’s something that will be settled in probate by a judge when the time comes.
You Can Quote Me:
34) Name the person being spoken about in this quote by Graham Linehan, a British writer, “[He] lives in America, which is a satirist’s dream. The eternal silliness of life in constantly in front of you. He’s definitely a liberal and a moralist to some extent, but he makes fun of them. He attacks every subject from within, so at the end of it, the thing you come away with is not that you should think one way or another, but that you should think more intelligently about what’s being discussed. He’s a true satirist because he hates everything and finds it worthless, but he can be very joyful and warm, too.”
I would have accepted Matt Groening or Jøsh Saitz, since I’m an egomaniac. My man Joel suggested “Bill Hicks,” which is perfectly appropriate and earned him a half point, just for mentioning Bill. I love Bill Hicks, and to prove it, please see “Bill Hicks is Dead” in the print edition of Negative Capability #3.
The Multiple Choice Questions:
35) David Bowie was forced to change his original surname to Bowie because there was already a popular singer in a band who was born with the same name. What band was that person in?
A) The Turtles / B) Pink Floyd / C) The Byrds / D) The Monkees
His given name is David Jones, just like Davy Jones from D) The Monkees. Who cares about the guesses, since they’re all multiple choice?
36) Before Jane’s Addiction was officially over they did a cover of the song “Ripple” by which was originally recorded by which band?
A) The Beatles / B) The Grateful Dead / C) Led Zeppelin / D) AC/DC
If you’d read Negative Capability #1, you’d’ve known that I reviewed the CD that this song comes from, and the answer is B) The Grateful Dead. It’s actually a pretty good cover, though I hate the Grateful Dead, and it’s only now that they’re actually dead that I’m in any way grateful.
37) If the Artist Formerly Known As Prince were forced to join a band that used his given last name, who would his bandmates be?
A) Zac, Tyler and Isaac HANSON
B) Wendy and Carnie WILSON
C) Gunnar and Matthew NELSON
D) Michael and Tito JACKSON
Oddly enough, his given name is Prince Rogers Nelson, so the answer is obviously C). To me, it would be very funny to see Prince playing on-stage with two albino bone-farmers like Gunnar and Matthew.
38) Juan Garcia Esquivel, king of the Space Age Bachelor Pad is from what country? A) Mexico / B) Spain / C) Cuba / D) Brazil
He’s actually still alive and recording in his native Mexico. I think Howard actually added the year of his birth and the town, but by now you are probably tired of hearing about him because you’re jealous. Well, don’t feel too bad because he’s going to die, just like everyone else.
39) Before forming the band New Order, Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Stephen Morris were all in Joy Division. Before forming Joy Division, what was the name of their band?
A) Berlin / B) Warsaw / C) Amsterdam / D) London
Actually, one person impressed me even more by saying that even before that they were called “The Stiff Kittens.” I read this book about Joy Division a long time ago and it said that the night they first met their manager, his cat had had stillborn kittens. That’s grim, right? Later it was changed to B) Warsaw, which they said was based on David Bowie’s song, “Warszawa.” As a result of this nonsense, I’ve added a cool trivia question to the new quiz, which is also closed, but still very interesting. (see “Short Refractory Period”)
40) Which of the following has NEVER recorded a song with the word “nigger” in the title?
A) John Lennon / B) Mötley Crüe / C) Boris Gardner / D) Patti Smith
Most people were in no way taken in my my transparent attempts to goad them into even tacitly endorsing racism. You pussies. Let’s do it by the process of elimination. John Lennon recorded the classic, “Woman is the Nigger of the World,” Boris Gardner wrote the theme song for the vastly underrated Caribbean film classic, “Every Nigger is a Star,” (coming soon to DVD, I’m sure) and of course, Patti Smith is the ugly, mustachioed creep behind, “Rock n’ Roll Nigger.” The only Mötley Crüe songs I know are “Shout at the Devil (That We Suck)” and of course, my favorite song to sing after I’ve successfully scored new drugs, “Dr. Feelgood.” My friend Jay and I used to want to start a band based on the video for that song and call ourselves Fire and Tattoos, though we would not cover ourselves in either one. We just thought few things sounded as stupid and manly as Fire and Tattoos. We also had a great idea for the first video, mostly involving fire with a guest appearance by tattoos. Luckily, we have very little musical follow-through.
Every actor thinks they can rock, just like every rocker thinks they can act. Except for Bowie, they’re all dead wrong. I’ll name the actor, you name the band they were in.
41) Johnny Depp
Someone said, “The Kids,” which I accepted because he also included the answer I was looking for which was “P.” There was one single I have by them called “Michael Stipe” which I think is meant sarcastically, so I’m all for it.
42) Keanu Reeves
Dogstar. He really is so creative.
43) River Phoenix
For some reason, I thought for sure someone would color outside the lines and guess “the ODs.” But you disappointed me. The answer is Aleka’s Attic.
44) Bill Paxton
I have a weird compilation CD that features one song by his band that’s called, “How Can A Modern Man Find Time For Self-Culture.” It’s awful and I think Bill’s playing with a dude from Barnes and Barnes (who did “Fish Heads”). Together, they’re called Martini Ranch, and it sure sounds like they were lit when they wrote/played/recorded this song. All I have to say about him is “We’re in some real pretty shit now, man! Game over!”
45) Sometimes an artist will re-record a popular song in a foreign language, though it is getting more rare. Which of the following songs does NOT actually exist?
A) David Bowie singing “Heroes” in German
B) John Lennon singing “Instant Karma!” in French
C) Robyn Hitchcock singing “Alright Yeah” in Swedish
D) The Police singing “De Doo Doo De Da Da Da” in Japanese
Bowie does a song called “Helden” which is Nazitalk for “Heroes” and it appears in the Sound + Vision boxed set. It’s creepy, let me tell you. Robyn Hitchcock does “Alright Yeah” in phonetic Swedish on the vinyl-only Mossy Liquor, which is the alternate version of his excellent Moss Elixir. He said he wanted to do that sort of thing more often, but only time will tell. There is a 45RPM single I have by the Police where they do do do “De Doo Doo De Da Da Da” in Japanese and Spanish. I figured that the Spanish would be too easy to believe. So the answer is B). I sincerely hope that no one ever re-records any of their songs in French, because I hate the fucking French and I’m not shy about it. In fact, if you are a French person reading this right now, I hope you get hit by a train.
For all my peeps livin’ large in NYMuthafuckin’C:
46) Why is the sidewalk permanently closed on the northeast corner of 38th St. & Lexington Avenue?
A few people took this opportunity to make jokes. Howard actually whiffed on this one and said, “Gramercy Park” one time too many. Pity, that. Joel McLemore of the zine Popular Delusion and the Monitor review zine made me laugh with, “The Tomb of the Unknown Crackhead,” and then my man Ben Anderson made it perfect by saying, “Crackheads had a bad tendency to be there dead in the morning, like five or six at a time. So they roped it off.” I used to rollerblade by this corner all the time and I thought it was really fucked up that they closed the sidewalk, closed a lane to traffic, and set up a cop in a little booth who is on duty 24/7. The reason is that on the corner is the Cuban embassy, and since we've got an embargo against them, they don't have to let us onto their stinkin' sidewalk! Yet another reason to hate Castro, right? I don't care either way, I just want to rollerblade in peace, goddammit!
47) What is at the southernmost point of Lexington Avenue?
48) What is at the northernmost point of Irving Place?
49) What is the only privately owned park on the island of Manhattan?
Anyone in NYC or familiar with it would know that there is one answer for all three of these questions, Gramercy Park. I’d love to live there, but it’s never going to happen, not unless you make me your beneficiary in perpetuity and then snuff it. Make it look like an accident and I’ll dedicate every future issue to you. I’m only half-kidding.
For anyone who remembers:
50) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I love that lucky winner Ben said, “Well, it depends on numerous factors. First, one must address the issue of the woodchuck. Is it an eastern woodchuck, or the much larger western diamondback? Due to the differences in the hardness of woods, one must also specify the specific density of the wood that is to be chucked. Then one must really get to know the individual woodchuck. Is it overworked? Perhaps the little woodchuck’s brain chemistry is dangerously imbalanced, which could lead to what is known in chucking circles as WDD (pronounced double-you, double-dee), or Woodchuck Dissociative Disorder. This can be diagnosed by observing the decreased output of chucked wood. If this goes unchecked, the condition can worsen, and develop into full-blown Woodchuck Immuno-Deficiency Disorder. Be wary.” The correct answer to this popular tongue-twister is, “A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”
Some of you knew some answers, some of you didn’t. The point of the quiz is to challenge, entertain, annoy and delight and if I have succeeded, send me a dollar.
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