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Our Friend Shnish and the Naked Executioner
My wife and I are close friends with a girl named Natasha who is practically a member of our family. This year, Juli and Tash (or as we call her, “Shnish” or even “The Shnishrocket!”) took part in the San Francisco tradition called Bay to Breakers, which is a walk where a lot of fucking lunatics show up to walk completely naked. Others wear costumes, cover themselves in glitter or just share their heinous bodies with the world.
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There are also these religious assholes who come out to harass anyone they perceive to be gay, which is so fucking obnoxious that I hope they all fucking die of brain tumors. Anyway, Juli and Shnish went not just to take part, but also because they wanted to see some cock along with some naked freaks. They were not disappointed in the least. At one point, Juli and Shnish saw this guy walking around naked who not only looked gross, but chose to wear only one thing: a black executioner’s hood. It was really hot that day and while going naked might have helped a person cope, wearing a black hood would’ve made it unbearable, unless you’re completely psychotic.
Shnish wanted to take a picture with the naked dude, but she was too shy to ask, so Juli asked. The guy said it would be fine so Juli got the camera out and Shnish went to stand next to the guy. As soon as she stood next to him, he put one arm around her and used his free hand to cop a feel. Shnish tried to fight him off but the guy kept groping at her. As a result, she was annoyed with the man, so just after this picture was taken, she shot the guy in the nuts and laughed all the way home. No, actually she just wanted this guy to appear on the internet for being such a dick. And I thought it would be a good introduction to Negative Capability’s first printed contribution from someone besides my wife, Juli. Both Juli and Shnish like to rant an awful lot, so after writing down a few different rants that Shnish spewed, I distilled them down to their essence and her final rant appears below, right beneath the picture of the naked douche that groped my pal the Shnishrocket!
A Guest Mini-Rant™ By Shnish
I could never have lived back in the 60s. All those dirty people, gross body hair and that terrible music! And all those goddamn dirty hippies! If I had to live in the 60s I’d have to shoot myself or I would never leave the house. I just couldn’t take it.
If you’re offended by the Bloodhound Gang, you’re no friend of mine!
Did you see the celebrity version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire in May? You know, Rosie O’Donnell is a big fucking loser. How do people like that ever get famous? She has no star qualities... she’s annoying, she’s dumb, she’s ugly and she’s overweight. It is a mystery to me.
When you give money to bums, you’re paying them to litter the streets with themselves. If I was a bum, I’d spend my time picking up trash. I would definitely give money to a bum who picked up trash because at least they’re doing something.
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