A paper zine for people who hate people.

Dedication/Inspiration/Ejaculation


It is always polite to thank those who have made contributions to your work, not only because people love to see their name in print, but also because it is nice to publicly and loudly declare that without these people, this thing you are holding would not have been possible. Well, it would have been possible, just less likely, okay? My most sincere thanks and love to:

My wife, the bug that makes it all worthwhile, not just this zine either, I mean EVERYTHING.

As a web exclusive, I’ll share some info on each of these people.

My admiration to: Lewis Saitz (my father, who died in 1985), Bill Hicks (the funniest comic who ever lived, who will also be getting a tribute in NC3), Neil Gaiman (author of the excellent Sandman graphic novels and Good Omens, one of my favorite books of all time), Robyn Hitchcock (my favorite musician, ever, who is pictured at left), Will Self (a sick, vile Englishman who writes sick, vile stories that arouse me in dangerous ways), Charles Fort (a man who saw unusual things and wanted to understand), John Kricfalusi (creator of Ren & Stimpy and sadly, not much else), Terry Hall (sweet, sensitive singer from more bands than you’ve ever heard of, including the Specials, Fun Boy Three, Terry, Blair and Anouchka, the Colourfield, Vegas and the co-author of “Our Lips Are Sealed”), MST3K (a show just obscure enough to make me feel special), Maki Nomiya (beautiful, lithe, talented singer of Pizzicato Five, my favorite Japanese dance combo), Mr. Pink, (Steve Buscemi’s character in Reservoir Dogs) Too Much Joy (that rarest of bands, because they’re both funny and smart. Their home video is reviewed in NC2 and an article on their genre is coming in NC4), Jim & Deb Goad (the editors of Answer Me! and a woman-beater and a lunatic cancer victim, respectively), Mike Judge (the genius behind Beavis & Butt-head, Office Space and the creator of Bobby Hill on King of the Hill), Guy Fawkes (an Englishman who tried to blow up Parliament a long, long, time ago), Andre Braugher (the soul of Frank Pembleton on the best cop show ever, Homicide: Life on the Street), Natalie Portman (brilliant, talented, gorgeous star of The Professional and Beautiful Girls. I think I could marry her without meeting her, but she’s way too good for me, and I never say that.), Babe, the pig (the bravest animal in the world. Please don’t eat pigs.), Peter C. Lopez (my friend, my best man, my collaborator on the CD I’ve done, Misfit Toys, and the hairiest carnivore I’ve ever seen naked), Rick Deckard (he say you “blade runner.” Then Deckard turns and says, “You got the wrong guy, pal.”), Sandy Kane (an ancient stripper/comic who has the most disgusting public access show where she dances with a vibrator and shows her very old pussy), Peter Jackson (psychotic Kiwi auteur and director of such classics as Dead Alive and Heavenly Creatures), Jimmy Pop Ali (the man likes to toss a woman’s salad, bust a funky groove and do the rap thing with his band the Bloodhound Gang), Dan Savage (the best sex columnist, ever), Jay Serken (one of my oldest friends, a talented musician and artist and the ultimate Brooklyn new wave Romeo), Scott Thompson (as a Kid in the Hall, he made the TV safe for gays. As a member of the Larry Sanders team, a dream. As a gay Canadian, the best of his kind.), Chow Yun-Fat (the best action star ever), Canada (what people are capable of when they’re sincere, caring and compassionate), Alan Moore (author of seminal books (well, graphic novels) Watchmen, V for Vendetta and From Hell), Ilsa (the first rat I ever had. please, a moment of silence for Ilsa, the She Wolf of the SS),- Herbie the Elf (he is supposed to make toys, but he would rather be a dentist. He is being licked by Rudolph on the right, so please admire his rebellion and his beautiful haircut.), A.A. Milne (the father of Christopher Robin Milne as well as Pooh, Eeyore, Piglet, Owl, Kanga, Roo and Tigger), Lei Wulong (Hong Kong cop and kickass star of the Tekken video game series and movie), John Popper (chubby, foul-mouthed and multi-talented Jersey boy who sings for Blues Traveler and plays a wicked harmonica and performs brilliantly at the end of the movie Kingpin as an Amish lunatic), Ed Kemper (the co-ed killer of Santa Cruz and the subject of the fictional story, “I’d Rather Be A Killer Than A Victim” in Negative Capability #2), the city of Las Vegas (where I was married, did too much E, lost too much money, slept too late, ate very poorly, had a lot of sex, saw all kinds of creepy weirdos, took too many pictures, drank too much liquor and used too many towels. I enjoyed every goddamn minute of it), Mr. Ed (was really named Bamboo Harvester and watching reruns of this show got me through a very difficult time in my life), Matt Groening (the lovable genius who gave the world my favorite strip, Life is Hell, and my favorite Fox shows, the Simpsons, and Futurama) and William Wegman (a wonderfully talented artist who is best known for photographing his talented dogs, one of which is called “Lolita” and appears below), for being so fucking cool.



You, for buying this and looking forward to the next one. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It really does mean the world to me that you’re reading this thing. Give yourself a little pat on the back, okay?

Apple Computer, not for any free junk, just for sticking it out and making a superior product. If it weren’t for Apple, I would have had no fucking idea how to do this. So thanks to Quark, too! I think that QuarkXPress is the best page layout software ever made and the Mac OS is the best OS on the market for my needs. Anyone who uses Windows, when they have a choice, are choosing to help Bill Gates stay the richest, ugliest, smelliest fuck on the list of rich assholes.

If you want to reprint anything, write to me and ask first, because my lawyers are a pack of vultures who would like nothing better than to make your possessions mine. I am extremely fair and open-minded, so don’t hesitate to ask, and never forget the first rule of negotiating: try bribery first, not last. Really.