A paper zine for people who hate people.

Bok Choy the Channeling Chicken

Due to a strange twist of fate, I happen to live with a chicken who has magical powers. I tend not to believe in people (or chickens) who believe in the paranormal, but she never mentioned that she was gifted, I discovered it quite by accident. Let me give you some background first.

There’s no such thing as Bigfoot. Loch Ness monster? I dunno. I mean, if there was such a thing you’d think they could get a better picture by now. Or they might be able to find a bone, or a corpse, or something physical, right? So, probably no Nessie. Sorry. UFOs? Well, strictly speaking a UFO is an unidentified flying object. So I believe in there have been flying objects that remain unidentified. Are they aliens or from some other planet? I don’t know. I want to believe. The whole X-Files thing about a government conspiracy? Well, the government can’t pave roads, find billions of dollars in fraud or even balance its own budget. I do think there are rogue people in the government who know a lot more than we’re being told. That’s obvious once you look at some of the documents released through the Freedom of Information Act. Huge sections are blacked out. Something is being hidden, but I’m not willing to say the missing passages are: “Aliens are among us, living in Branson, performing under the name Twitty.”

Time travel? If it’s ever going to happen, it’s going to be one way. We will find a way to put ourselves in stasis and then be brought back in the future. That’s time travel. But, let’s say in 100,000 years we figure out how to time travel backward. Don’t you think, in that future, someone will come back and explain the technology to us now? Think about it. The future is relatively infinite, and no one in the future has come back to see us here, which leads me to believe it will never happen. There is no such thing as: vampires, werewolves, boogie men, shapeshifters or anything like that. If there was such a thing as reincarnation, meaning a finite number of souls going through the rotation of available bodies, does that mean new souls are constantly being minted to fill all those new bodies? Nope. It means the whole thing is silly bullshit. People will never be immortal, and that’s a damn good thing. I think that whatever scientist finally clones a person, we’ll be seeing a lot of him around, I’ll bet. I think there will be a woman president, but not a black president. Even though Americans are, by and large, stupid, selfish, petty, racist assholes, eventually a woman will step forward with all of the qualifications. If women can stop sniping at each other long enough to mobilize, they could take it. Blacks will always be a minority, regardless of their repopulation program currently in effect.

Let’s get back to Bok Choy, because she’s why we’re here. One night, I was watching a special about Don Hewitt, the executive producer of 60 Minutes.He’s a real ballbuster, but watching the show reminded me of Harry Reasoner, a reporter for the show who died a few years ago. I really loved that guy, I found him kind and reassuring and miss him sometimes. I said, “I wonder what Harry’s up to.” Bok Choy sat up and said that he was fine and was enjoying his time in the great beyond very much. I don’t believe in heaven, or souls, or any item in the Judeo-Christian canon of immutable truths. But I believe in Bok Choy, because she’s no liar. I mean, there are psychics (almost all of them are frauds) who, somehow, are able to help the police to locate missing children, dead bodies or even hidden treasure. I don’t know how they do it, and I don’t know how Bok Choy does it. But I believe in Bok Choy.

I realize a lot of zines run interviews with people and mostly it’s incredibly boring. Bands are boring, politicians are boring, writers are boring, hell, even the Pope is a dull, sad, almost dead, man. I think musicians should say what they want with their songs. Except Billy Joel. He should choke to death on my vomit. Everyone I want to interview is dead, which means I can’t find their publicists. That’s where Bok Choy comes in. She says she can ask my questions of dead people, then tell me what they’ve said. She’s a star. You know, even if it’s a parlor trick, it’s a damn good one. Besides, she couldn’t think of anything else to contribute. So here’s what I need. She’s offering her services to all readers of Negative Capability who have a question for someone famous and dead. You ask me, I’ll ask her, I’ll publish the answers. No bullshit. No jokes. Just Bok Choy and her channeling powers.

You can e-mail your questions to Bok Choy the Channeling Chicken, bokchoy (at) negcap-dot-com!

UPDATE: Bok Choy got one letter from a sweet woman named Mary regarding the current whereabouts of Harry Houdini. Bok Choy contacted Mr. Houdini and gave Mary her answer. If you want to see the exchange, please click here. Bok Choy would like to get more letters so that she can use her gifts to help more people, so please think of someone you’d like to contact and write today! Her responses appear in the print edition of Negative Capability #3, so please order today.