A paper zine for people who hate people.

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Putting on a Tit Show

As my long-time readers know, I am an ass man. You can say what you like about a full, round rack or ramble on about the delights of the vajayjay, but for me, if ya ain’t got ass, ya ain’t got a ride home from *me*. Let me be clear, I am not into anal sex, in fact, I have never had it, pitching or catching, but that’s ok. I like to look at a fine ass and I personally believe that the thong is just about the single most amazing hoax that men have perpetrated on women since mak- ing them take the pill. We have somehow convinced them that letting their entire ass hang out of their panties is not only comfortable, but that it’s preferable, especially if you are hot. Could you imagine a dude wearing a thong that separated his balls into two separate areas? If you’re not retching, you must be a girl. Or a manly version of a girl. You know who you are. That being said, whenever a woman wears a top that in any way accentuates her boobs, that is called “putting on a tit show.” Every woman is all too aware of which tops they buy which can direct attention toward or away from the boobs, so when they make a conscious decision to showcase their boobs, almost every man, and manly girl (you know who you are, too) will want to watch the tit show.

Why do we all want to check it out? Because the tit show is great to watch. There are some people whose entire career is based on put- ting on a tit show, from Marilyn Monroe to Pam Anderson. The victoria’s Secret catalog should be called Tit Show Illustrated and the most popular issue of Sports Illustrated is their special Super- model Tit Show issue. Sometimes you are watching a nice R-rated tit show, like you may just get a nip slip or some side boobage, but the girl realizes that she’s hanging out and adjusts her top, bringing it back down to a PG-13 or even a G. That blows. Nothing makes a guy’s day brighter than seeing a good tit show. Even the French have a single word for the tit show, decolletage, which means they were talk- ing about it so often that it warranted its own word. I recently read an article (on the web version of this story) that said that scientists and 10% sloppy, you could check it out. Like snowflakes, the tit show is, no two are the same.

have discovered that watching a tit show for just ten minutes a day is equivalent to exercising more than half an hour, and it absolutely can prolong life. If watching a tit show can help me live longer, even my wife ought to be encouraging me to watch. Could someone please explain that to her? [Turns out, the story is bogus, but still.—Ed.]

I am not sure if it’s been printed in your owner’s manual, but some- one somewhere, is keeping a tally of how many different boobs you have seen in your life, and whoever dies having seen the most is entitled to some kind of undisclosed prize, payable upon death. Maybe it’s a flock of virgins, maybe it’s a flock of sheep who are also virgins, but everyone wants the prize. Age, weight, length, girth, whatever, it makes no difference. Put on a tit show, someone will always want to watch it. I am sure there are guys who are so into the tit show they could get off looking at a mastectomy scar. Now that’s not even a tit anymore, it’s an ex-tit, and you can still use it to put on a tit show. The reason that it’s hot when you can see down a girl’s pants when she bends over is because it also is a tit show. You get to see some, but not all, of something you normally have to pay to see (in one way or an- other). So, it’s like getting something that has intrinsic value for free, which is a win-win for me and it’s exactly why I love the Tit Show.
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Best. Tit show. Ever.

This sultry fox is drinking liquor with hunks of lime in it, the lights are trippy, she has tattoos near the tit show to draw your attention even more, she’s got her tongue pierced, meaning she trying to improve her ability to suck cock, plus that streak of red in her hair means she’s a real firecracker. I mean, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick, that is an awesome tit show. Bravo to you, madam, enjoy it while you can.

As a special bonus for web visitors, I have included all the art used in the print version as well as a few that got cut for space. Enjoy the.Tit Show Gallery
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