Never Coming in Negative Capability

Training A Come Butler
I Love Meat Slurry
Things I’ve Stolen from My Employer
My Meth Lab: A Photo Essay
I Am Losing My Hair and I Can’t Get It Up
Christ is My Personal Savior
Don’t You Hate When People Ask and Answer Their Own Pointless and Inane Questions? I Sure Do!
Crimes I’ve Committed But Never Been Caught
My Gay Experiences
The Compromises I Make to Get By
Smegma is Just the Appetizer
My Loving Family
Stealing Mail is Fun
Your Kid is Much Cuter Than Mine
Rehab Worked for Me and I Am Clean
W.: Great President or The Greatest President?
Deepthroating a Vending Machine Slim Jim at a NJ Truck Stop in Exchange for Blowjobs on Demand (Pictorial)
Friendly Monsters: Are they monsters who are friendly or friendly people who are secretly monsters?
I Met A Great Guy in Jail
How to Smuggle Illegal Drugs

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Some of these are meant to be straight jokes, some are sort of true and some are complete fabrications. I don't think anyone knows which ones are which at this point, so feel free to think the worst of me. That vending machine thing was worth it, though, and it was the last time I had beef in my life.